Once upon a time there was a sweet, innocent maiden...

Happy Birthday, e_danae!

2008-05-18T07:08:07Z

Today! Hurray!
Is e_danae´s birthday!

Best wishes! Lots of love and happiness and all things nice and good (including some quality Hermione/Snape fics and some new films by Miyazaki)!

Would you like a picture or a fic from me as a gift?

ivakas @ 2008-05-11T19:46:00

2008-05-11T17:55:45Z

I am back from Slovenia! I love the country. I need to sort my photos now...
When I take over the world and become (moderately) evil overlady, I will have my summer cottage there in the sunny mountains.

The school year is over and exams begin. I decided to drop out. I love studying Finnish and Slovene, but the school as such is rather boring and badly organized - during this year I had to do basically the same subject thrice. It was the theory of literature and I am allergic to it now.

I am going to make myself useful and work at last.

Also, I am a notorious drawler. That´s what notes are for, isn´t it?

ivakas @ 2008-04-28T18:40:00

2008-04-28T16:52:57Z

Happy Birthday, Mr.Pratchett!

You were born in the same year like my mum which is not the main reason why I adore you.

I am in the mood to do some Discworld pics now. Maybe Angua - I would like to be like her. Well, I am almost like her minus the bravery and plus some kilograms.

Or maybe I will read Good Omens again. Oh yes... I hope I will live long enough to see it as a film, by Terry Gilliam preferably.

My train accidents

2008-04-14T07:51:18Z

I travel by train twice a week. Sometimes weird situations occur:

1. The Journey to the Past
I gaze out off the window and in the tender velvet dusk I see a pheasant in a field, a hare among bushes, a roe on a meadow, a TRICERATOPS in a forest... after a lot of WTF, OMG, IIDA (isn´t it dead already?!). I realize that we pass the dinopark.
OK, it was dark and the statue looked lifelike... anyone could get confused... right?

2. Eroticism
I am staring out off the window and in the sunny afternoon I can see three guys standing next to the railway. Two of them showing their fat naked arses, the third one showing his... front. I was the only one in coupe who noticed that and was scarred for life.

3. Miss Train
I was sitting alone in a coupe when the door burst open and a guy swayed in. He looked at me and told me: "Miss, you are the most beautiful woman in this train."
Me: ...
Guy: "Do you have a lover or a boyfriend?"
Me: ... (If I survive that intact I will buy a gun.)
Guy: "´Cause you are the most gorgeous girl in this train. Really. It makes man happy to see someone so pretty."
Me: (points to other coupes) "There must be more beautiful ladies this way." Because I am clever like that, oh yes.
Guy: (touches his heart) "Impossible. You are absolutely beautiful. Good bye, miss. It was a pleasure to see you." (leaves)
Me: ( :-o

Now, does it count when a merry drunk tells you you are the most beautiful woman on the train?

As for the mad guys courting, I remebered Wolf from The 10th Kingdom.

The Girl with the Radish Earring

2008-03-29T17:52:31Z

or Vermeer makes somersaults in his grave.

I found old watercolours, watched the movie with Scarlet Johanson and Colin Firth and thought about Luna Lovegood.

The course of my mental processes never did run smooth, but now when I look at it, it makes sense. I guess Luna would like the dress and the girl´s expression is just Loony.

It was fun, even though watercolours hate me.

Hermione, you are next! :-D

Another short story and boasting

2008-03-25T09:21:46Z

A short thing for remeciel (who draw me this wonderful, slashy and NWS picture)

It is all in the name. His parents had always told him so and Sirius had learnt his mythology and star maps at the tender age of nine.

He was the brightest star and the heir of one of the oldest families (the oldest family according to his father) in Britain. Names were very important. At least the ancient, proud and significant ones.

***

"It is all in the name," he thought wryly when his fellow Gryffindors looked at him as if he was some kind of underage spy or a mistake.

"What the hell?" "And here I thought Blacks had reservations in Slytherin." "The Sorting Hat is getting senile."

His parents shared the popular opinion, they just used more elaborate style.

All of sudden it wasn't so good to be a Black, but when James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, boys with names that were blissfully mundane and symbolism-free, joined him at the dinner (and breakfast and lunch...) table, it suddenly didn't matter that much. Sirius stopped looking for hidden meanings and gladly forgot about legends.

***

"Bloody Merlin!" The twelve year old Sirius Black slapped his forehead. "The name! Remus Lupin! Damn! Triple damn! It was right under our noses!" He was so perplexed by his own stupidity and the fact that his parents had been right for once about something that he completely forgot to freak out about having a werewolf in the dormitory.

HP fandom, Sirius-centric gen. Characters are JKR´s and whatnot.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T18:29:48Z

Happy Easter everyone!

I practiced traditional egg decoration technique.

You take an egg, glue, scissors and straw and cut and stick and glue for hours and end up completely sticky with impossible things glued to various parts of your body, but sometimes it is worth it.

Tomorrow, on Easter Monday boys chase girls and whip them with rods to drive winter away from their bodies and bring them new life and fertility.
Kinky.

Olomouc pics

2008-03-10T06:28:19Z

My town is a fantasy town because:

- the beer distribution looks like this.

- there are dragons!

- Sirius Black lives there. In a house that is only about 100 years old. His mother would have a fit.

- and James Potter lives almost next to him. Once a show-off, always a show-off.

- there is also the Great A-Tuin fountain.

- and demon horses get stuck in walls. Or maybe he is just crossing from one dimension to another.

It looks like this place is some kind of underworld for HP characters. I have to go and find Lupin.

Beware! Drabbles!

2008-03-02T12:24:59Z

It was a dark and stormy night yesterday.
Actually, there was a windstorm called Emma. So far I didn´t have too much trouble with it. Fortunately. Our household just was without electricity for an hour or so. I spent the time in the dark thinking of plots for drabbles and other weird things.

There was no beta, so I apologize for my English. And Czech :-)

A drabble for fera_festiva.
Fandom: HP/Discworld
Prompt: Snape Kills Dumbledore from the perspective of Discworld's Death, please. :D
Warning: Characters belong to Terry Pratchett and J.K. Rowling. I am none of them, so I get no money from that.

Of metaphysics

The flash of green light. „So, that's it,“ thought Albus Dumbledore as he watched his very own and very limp body fall over the battlement, „time for another adventure.“ .

„ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE,“ said a voice heavier than guilt and sorrow. Death didn't have perfect timing. He was perfect timing.

„Yes to all of them,“ said the late headmaster of Hogwarts composedly to the tall skeleton with a scyte.

The time stopped and Severus Snape was still standing on the tower with his wand raised, his face full of hatred and remorse. Harry stood under the invisibility cloak, unable to move. Draco looked scared and horrified. Random Deatheaters loomed in the background, which brought Dumbledore´s attention back to his companion.

„I must admit that I was expecting someone...“

„TALLER?“ offered Death.

„... less traditional. Please, don't take it personally.“

„YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL CASE. I CAME FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL BEGIN YOUR LIFE AS A WIZARD ANEW, IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHICH FALLS UNDER MY AUTHORITY. I BELIEVE IT IS ALL ABOUT KARMA.“

Albus Dumbledore was listening raptly. „I am rather relieved that I won't be a goat... So it will be beards, robes and wands again?“

„STAFFS. WITH KNOBS ON.“

Dumbledore gave a muffled cough.

„THERE IS A SONG ABOUT IT,“ added Death thoughtfully. „I UNDERSTAND IT IS HILARIOUS.“

Dumbledore looked around for the last time. „I loved it here. I enjoyed being headmaster. Pity everything got so complicated...“

„Well, this time I am going to do things differently,“ he added resolutely. He felt a sudden burst of stange, almost maniacal energy.

„INDEED YOU ARE, MUNSTRUM RIDCULLY.“

Dumbledore blinked, then he smiled: „Munstrum Ridcully? I like the name.“

He turned to his murderer and sighed: „I still owe Severus an apology.“

Death looked at the dark-haired man with pale skin, hooked nose and sarcasm written all over his face. The man's thin frame vaguelly resembled a carnivorous flamingo.

„I THINK YOU WILL SEE HIM SOON.“

Another drabble for e_danae written in Czech.
Fandom: Howl´s Moving Castle
Prompt: Howl meets the With of the Waste for the first time...
Warning: Not mine. Diana´s and Hayao´s.

Srdeční záležitost

Čarodějnice z Pustiny byla dost překvapená. Muži za ní přicházeli, ale ne dobrovolně. Nechávali se jí okouzlit a ztráceli srdce. Stačil jí plátek tkáně, nic víc a měla je napořád v moci. Když se jí omrzeli, poslala je pryč. Některým vzala vzpomínky, některým ne, ale i ti, kteří na ni zapomněli, občas pocítili zvláštní, neurčitou bolest. Jako by přišli o něco důležitého.

Z útržku srdce se dal vytvořit silný fantom.

A teď před ní přímo v síni jejího hradu stál mladík. Byl až podezřele hezký. Přišel z vlastní vůle a věnoval jí napůl dvornou napůl ironickou poklonu.

„Zdravím tě, mocná paní. Jmenuji se Howl a věnuji se magickým vědám. Dovol mi přiučit se něco z tvého umění,“ usmál se a podíval se jí zpříma do očí.

Čarodějnice z Pustiny mu úsměv oplatila. „Získat srdce někoho takového! Dokázala bych cokoliv,“ pomyslela si vzrušeně. „Ale jak? Je to čaroděj. Má velký potenciál. Cítím to.“

„Má paní, po dobu naší spolupráce ti budu oddaným žákem a přítelem,“ pokračoval mladý čaroděj. Čekal na její odpověď. Byl si jistý, že jeho návrh přijme.

„Budu ho učit a jeho srdce bude mocnější a silnější, plné mládí a energie. Stačí jedna nestřežená chvilka a bude moje!“ řekla si čarodějnice, usmála se a přikývla.

***

„Už tě nemohu naučit nic dalšího,“ řekla a přistoupila k Howlovi.

„Opravdu?“ pousmál se.

„Opravdu,“ položila mu ruku na rameno. „Jinak bys mě přerostl,“ zašeptala mu do ucha a ruka se jí jako by mimoděk svezla na jeho hruď. Naklonila hlavu, aby ho políbila, aby zapomněl na nebezpečí,... ale něco nešlo podle plánu. Ucukla. „Ty nemáš srdce!“ zasyčela.

„Přece bych vám ho nepřinesl na dlani,“ pokrčil rameny a v tu chvíli naplnil místnost šelest peří. Okno se otevřelo a Howl v podobě černého ptáka vyrazil ven.

Ohromená čarodějnice běžela k oknu. Zahlédla už jen rychle se vzdalující tečku na obzoru. Přelstil ji. Vyklonila se z okna a křičela za ním: „Dostanu ho, Howle! Ať ho skrýváš, kde chceš! Nepřestanu tě pronásledovat! Dostanu tvé prokleté srdce, i kdyby mě to mělo stát všechnu mou moc, mou krásu i život!“

Drabble Challenge

2008-02-28T18:59:56Z

I got the idea from my_matylda who got it from josika...

En Checo

Prvním deseti osobám, které připojí k tomuto povídání svůj komentář a požádají mě o napsání drabble (povídka o sto slovech) na téma, které si sami vyberou, bude tato prosba splněna. Nicméně na oplátku dotyčný musí umístit obdobnou výzvu na svůj blog. Doplňte fandomy, pro které jste ochotni psát.

En Inglés

First ten people who comment on this post and ask me to write a drabble (a short story about 100 words long) on a theme of their choice will get their drabble from me. However, in exchange he/she should post similar challenge on his/her LJ, blog, etc. Add fandoms you are willing to write about.

Somehow I doubt that as many as ten people know about the existence of this LJ, so good for me :-D Anyway, comment and I will try to write something from these fandoms: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (oh, sweet days of my youth!), mythology (is it a fandom? - Norse, Greek,...), Howl´s Moving Castle (Diana W. Jones anyone?) and Discworld.
I can brave even cross-overs, but the result will be your fault only.

There be HP comics

2008-02-15T07:41:38Z

Thankfully not by me. Though I made one about Mary Sue.

Those that I have in mind are actually funny.

The take on HP afterlife by cloudlessnights.

I find her Sims Sirius and Remus (and even Severus) disturbingly handsome. See the depths of my despair. I should get a life, but I don´t have any idea where to look for it.

Trivination, The Boy Who Lived, A Fugly Debate (I could not agree more with this one), Pwned (or the life and times of Severus Snape) and many others by Slinkers.

Forget about my weird attraction Sims men, I can fall even for Remus with "blank TV" eyes.

Eurosong rambling

2008-01-31T13:38:11Z

Eurovision song contest is more weird and boring than fun. Singers are obviously proud to represent their nation, so they mostly sing in English, because they think it will bring them more votes, songs are often boring and the performer´s views of image are frequently downright bizzare.
Yet when we had national nomination evening, we could choose some real musicians, like Gipsy.cz or Čechomor. (Čechomor is my favorite group, so I am quite partial to them :-)
Unfortunately, Czechs decided that they should be represented by knickers.

Of Hallows Most Deathly

2008-01-29T07:45:42Z

The last Harry Potter book in Czech translation is going to be published in a few days. And I will be all reminiscent. Prepare yourself for a celebratory wank.
In the meantime, I rec you a great overview of the Deathly Hallows, done chapter by chapter by
fera_festiva

ivakas @ 2008-01-26T09:58:00

2008-01-26T09:24:18Z

Looks like I am turning into Mrs Coulter. My daemon.

And yep, I have seen The Golden Compass. There is an old cinema and a multiplex in our town. I heart the old cinema, unlike most of moviegoers which means that when I go to see a film (about three weeks later than those who go to multiplex) I usually have a whole row in the theatre all for myself.
I liked the movie. It was a good fantasy adventure. Very scenic and Victorian. It was an introduction to the world made by Philip Pullman and a boost to read the book. I realized the film was more or less true to the book. I made an interesting comparision though. The book is very naturalistic in the drastic scenes, the film was more "lets not scare anyone too much" sort. I wonder about the second film, because if they have evaded the fact that children can die so far, in the next part it will be very difficult.
I am intrigued and will continue reading the saga. The books are poignant, clever and after the disappointment from HP saga I can appreciate a well written story where everything has its role and the adult characters are not flat.

ivakas @ 2008-01-23T18:09:00

2008-01-23T17:23:22Z

Damn, triple damn! Heath Ledger is gone.
I still can´t believe it.
I wasn´t even his fangirl, like a proper one. I just liked him. Cool guy.
I noticed him properly when Terry Gilliam was shooting "Brothers Grimm" in Czech Republic. I was planning to watch his "Casanova" and I definitely want to see the new Batman...
It is scary. He is just a few years my senior and then something happens...
And here I am writing an obituary.

Happy Birthday, Remeciel!

2007-12-26T16:16:01Z

This one is for you, Remeciel!

I hope you will get great presents! Enjoy your big day!

ivakas @ 2007-12-26T16:57:00

2007-12-26T16:08:23Z

I decorated the Christmas tree. It looks weird, but since it is artificial and quite vintage, it is OK as long as it stands.
I made cookies!

I wrote a Christmas story about Luna Lovegood for a friend.
I cleaned house.
I got a poem published in this

- I took part in a poetry competition and won. One of prizes was a book with all competing poems. Since the competition was called "Poetry out of a drawer" the book symbolizes the drawer. It is cute :-)

Still, I have the odd feeling I forgot something.

Yep! Got it: Merry Christmas, guys!

Ivaka´s Show

2007-11-23T07:44:59Z

I could sum up my carrier as a writer with "nothing". I keep sending my book of short stories to publishing houses and get no responses.
I wish they would at least send me an e-mail saying NO WAY IN HELL, GIRL in stead of this sodding silence.
I wonder if the ~~bitches~~ editors even read it.

Anyway, I took part in a poetry competition organized during Libri Festival in Olomouc, so this evening I am off to read my poem publicly. LOL will ensue.

ivakas @ 2007-11-11T09:30:00

2007-11-11T08:30:27Z

This day is my great "try to post a picture and not kill anyone" day. I found out that Photobucket is far too mystical for me. After fighting with it for some time and giving up, I found out that the picture have been posted, twice.
Me 0: Internet 4.

I drew this for remeciel who is one of the guys who made me love pairing SiriusxRemus.

My take on my OTP is very tame one. Gen, see, nothing suspicious going on.

(Still, I can almost hear the tree thinking: "Still the straightest.")

The Art of In-class Essay

2007-11-05T16:15:26Z

I found this while ~~wading~~ sorting through the piles of paper lying around my room. O memories!

In our English Practical final we were requested to write an essay on topics such as Your last evening in prison before execution. What will be the last entry in your diary? or You had been kidnapped by pirates. After some years you got chance to send a message to your family.

I chose the pirates and as a true pirate I stole from pretty anything that I read at that time. Most of the authors cannot sue me anymore, but still I don´t own PoC, ~~PoA~~ - HP, I mean, or any other copyrighted abbreviations.

Madness ensues.

Madness that got me 94%. Mwhahahaha!

Somewhere in the Carribean, Janury 5 1703

Dearest Father, Mother and Sister,

after my first message in the bottle: “Dad, Mum, Sis, Alive, Love Ivana“ I can finally elaborate some more. Our Captain saw me throwing yet another bottle into the ocean and asked me why on “bloody earth“ I don´t use letters like normal people do. I think I have probably misinterpreted the naval tradition of posting messages. He gave me pen and paper and watched me writing full of awe that the percentage of the literate people on the deck increased so dramatically. Btw (that´s a pirate word for “by the way“, Dad) my writing is so terrible because the ship keeps swaying like a thing possessed.

I´m OK and the company in which I spend my time is better than its reputation. It wasn´t them who kidnapped me oh-so-many years ago, but some accursed Slovakian smugglers and slave traders who came to our beautiful coast of Bohemia to capture youthful boys and girls for the international trade. Fortunatelly (or unfortunatelly for those scurvy dogs), when we were sailing past some island a tempest came and all those bad guys drowned. (Our Captain calls it a “holy wood“ luck, don´t ask me what some forest has got to do with it.) About our Captain... We, poor would-be slaves, swam to the nearest island and spent one night there – under attack of some upgraded gorilla that used to jump on us from behind bushes shouting “Ca-li-baaaan!“ We protected ourselves with the most terrible Czech trademark weapon – singing of brass music hits. And then Captain heard us and came to investigate. Brave man. He said his name was Sybren van den Bergh and that he was driven out on the hostile seas by the conspiration of his enemies at the court of Brabant who accused him of putting some illicit drugs in chocolate so that people developped an addict and couldn´t stop eating until they exploded or lost all their money. He is a nobleman´s child and behaves like one. He offered us irregular payment and two bars of chocolate per weak if we´ll sail with him and help him defy “the anihilating forces of feudalism“. Well, since we had basically two possibilities – to join the crew or to stay on the island – we accepted and followed him to the bay where his ship was berthed. It´s called “Red Dwarf“. When I asked captain why (at dinner), one pirate nearly choked to death. Captain stuttered evasively something about a small Communist who influenced his early days of youth. I guess he was lying, but maybe it´s better not to know.

The first days on the ship were dreadful. We got hit by a storm and by seasickness. When I could stand again (without fainting, that is), pirates started to teach us about their doubtful profession – this included sword-fighting, shooting, wearing eyepatches, even if you have both eyes, cursing in twenty-eight languages and begging for mercy in thirty-seven.

The crew is a mix of colourful characters. Captain is handsome and gentleman-like and most of the freed slave-girls have a crush on him, save one – me. I can´t be fooled by the byronic “tortured and misanderstood“ attitude. No way. I´ve got it under control. Then there´s an old guy called Sme. He´s OK, but when he thinks no one hears him, he´s singing weird nursery rhymes to himself. Another interesting character is a dark lady who says she´s running from justice and does dolphin research in her free time. Then I should mention an Englishman (and another byronic character in the crew) going under name of Sirius Black who told me that he came from another world by falling through a magical veil and that we live in an alternative universe. Sure, yeah.

I got a new name and a kick-ass attitude during my stay here. I haven´t killed many people. Well, they all started it anyway. We´ve been sailing both the Atlantic and the Pacific Ocean and attacking the “feudalist swines“ as our Captain puts it. He´s still bitter about the chocolate scandal. We´ll soon arrive to the coast of Bohemia, so we can meet again. It would be great to stay, but there´s a rascal who scarred my left arm in a fight and who still walks and talks and we need to catch up on him as soon as possible to put an end to it.

Meet me in the port! It´s the ship with the sail with the question mark. (Don´t you even think about calling police!)

Lots of undying love and devotion

Ivana-the-Dark Squirrel (of Doom)

Lazy Friday

2007-11-02T08:07:43Z

Finally, it happened. After years of stalking and snooping in other people´s LJs I decided to creep out of shadows and get a LJ account.
Now, lets see how this works...